It’s a weird sort of “normal” we’re entering in to here!   It seems that at least a piece of each day is spent with me at doctor’s appointments, Mom and Dani are doing so much to hold down the fort at Miss Sue’s house... and Nathan is my hand to hold during shots, and anything thing that might hurt the heart more than the body.          

We enjoyed the chance to get out and about a bit as my white cells reached the safe zone again (Hurray!).   We made a trip to the Portage Glacier visitor center, it was a foggy, blustery day, but the clouds parted at times to give us some lovely vistas.       

We’ve had fun enjoying the 50 cent ice cream cones at McDonald’s... they’ve become a signature of our time here, it seems!   They are running the special because it’s the summer of our 50th year of statehood.   Little bits of normalcy are a relief!   And there isn’t much in the way of yummy soft serve in Nome!

My groshong catheter is still causing problems, but gratefully it is still flushing the chemo through well.   Thank you so much for praying... I woke up this morning to find blood in the line.   They had told me this could happen, but it took me by surprise because it did not draw blood at the doctor’s yesterday.   Somehow something opened up to allow that, and it made me feel hopeful!   I have saline to flush the line with if that ever happens, so all is fine.   I’m not sure what caused it, maybe God was just letting me know He wasn’t done with the process!

I had no reactions to the chemo this time around, and that is a super answer to prayer!   It brings us a step closer to returning to Nome.   There is an awkward element to mixing sometimes painful procedures, long hours at the hospital, and then returning to life here at Miss Sue’s house and the little ones.   But we’re making it through, and it is so good to be here all together.  ( 

My hair has begun to fall out with a vengeance, and it’s honestly driving me nuts!   I’m tempted to just do a total shave, but I’m following advice to wait until it’s really bad, just incase it doesn’t all fall out.   So I’m waiting awhile longer, and wearing lots of head scarves to try to reduce the hair that is showing up everywhere!  

Today, we met with a photographer who captured the first professional pictures we’ve ever had done as a family.   There was a bittersweet element to it.   We loved the pics, and the children were terrific.   There was also a “what if” effect that kept making me want to cry... what if this is our only family picture ever?   I am grateful for the peace of God that passes all understanding, that when dark thoughts tried to slip in, that peace stood guard over my heart.   I do have hope that He is hearing our prayers, and we will take family pictures again someday.

I had a shot today to help my blood counts boost... it’s called neulasta.   We’re praying that I don’t get hit too hard with the side effect of intense bone pain as the body responds to it’s call to produce cells.    Some people do okay with just some achiness, other’s end up in ER due to the pain.   We’re all praying that it doesn’t hit too hard, and are kind of waiting here now to see how I do.   We still haven’t made tickets back to Nome, mainly because we need to make sure I’m doing okay with all of this first.

I’m finding my heart very comforted by the thought of SAFETY.   Images of the holocaust, Rwanda, and the persecuted church around the world have been in my mind, and it fills me with gratitude for my life.   We are so safe!   I don’t fear for my children’s lives, I’m surrounded by loved ones, we have comfort and provision for the things we need.   Yes, there is a medical difficulty we are facing, but I am humbled by the realization of where others have walked nobly with much greater distress to their souls.  Safety is truly a gift of God, and I am finding myself daily grateful for it.  

Our favorite bed time song with the children is an old one Nathan taught me before Noah was even born.  It was the first song I sang to Caleb in NICU, and is usually the song that closes out our day as we tuck the little ones in bed,

Safe am I, Safe am I

   in the hollow of His hand.

Sheltered o’er, sheltered o’er

   in His love forever more.

No ill can harm me, no foe alarm me,

    for He keeps both day and night.

Safe am I, Safe am I

   in the hollow of His hand.

Truly my God does keep us, even in the night.   With Caleb’s late night feeding, I often find heavy thoughts and tears lingering close in those wee hours.   There are times I have literally called His Name aloud in the night, “Jesus, these thoughts are too dark and I am too weak, please hold me!” And He mercifully does, and sleep returns and I awaken in the morning with joy.  The Lord IS near to all those who call on Him... perhaps not with an escape plan, but with the grace to walk the next bit of the path.