Not long after Welsey was born, I was intrigued by the lyrics of a Chris Rice song.   It’s called “Nonny Nonny” which may not be the most amazing title, but there were some phrases that really captured me.  

The second verse speaks of Aslan, the figure of Christ in the Chronicles of Narnia series which has been favorites of mine since childhood...  He says,

“Cause every perfect now and then
I caught a glimpse of Aslan's mane
And I longed for His treasure
Something in His mystery was drawing me
To love the Author of my own biography”  

That was more than a year ago, and the Lord began teaching me to love Him as the Author of my biography.   I told Mom several nights ago how glad I was that I loved my life before I “lost” it.   How sad it would be to suddenly realize that I had a beautiful life, but not have appreciated it!  

Gratefully, I have not lost the dearest elements of my life, my sweet husband and children, but there have been losses this last month.   I love my life in Nome!  I love Brenda stopping by to visit, and leaning out the window to watch the children on their bikes.   I love my green kitchen, small as it is, and the sparkle of the Bering Sea out my window.  I love my church and my beautiful, diverse friends.   I love walking to the post office with the children and knowing half of the people that I pass on the street!   I love the glimpses we have of God at work in the Norton Sound region of Alaska, and getting to join Him in that work.  Over the last year, I had fallen in love with a new facet of my Lord, as the One who has written such a beautiful biography for me!  

But last month I turned a page and in a moment the whole book seemed altered, almost as if written by a different pen.  Yesterday, my first day after chemo, I felt great!  (Nate thinks it is the steroid shot they gave me!) I got up early, did some laundry, and got in a good workout in the room downstairs here at the Hickel House where Nathan and I are staying.   I plugged in my ipod and hopped on the elliptical machine to a perky song and was just happy to be feeling so well.  

A few songs later “Nonny Nonny” came on.   In a moment, Jesus stepped in the room with me, and I was suddenly crying.     I felt like He spoke to my heart, “Carlee, I have not given the pen to the enemy. I am still your Author.   Can you love me for this chapter too?”  He is still the Author of my biography, the One I loved for the chapters written before!            

But I don’t like this chapter at all!   Yet, I’ve read so many books in my life that have had such tragic chapters, but I stuck with them because I knew I liked the author, and things usually work out okay.   I remember the first time I read Hamlet, I was shocked!  I was in early high school, and had somehow missed the fact that Hamlet was a tragedy.   Oops.   I had just been reading Henry V, and figured I’d like anything by Shakespeare.   I got to the last page of Hamlet and really freaked out.   This is the end!   They’re all dead!   What kind of book is this?    I still don’t like tragedies to this day! :)              

The last verse of “Nonny Nonny” gives us the assurance the God is not the Author of tragedies, but sometimes we don’t get the whole picture here on earth.

          

“And soon He turns the final page
We'll look the Author in the face
Then the book really begins
'Cause something tells me all these years of memories
Are only the first sentence of eternity.”  

My heart leaps at those words, “We’ll look the Author in the face...” Yes! I can still love Him and this biography of mine, even though this chapter has been really hard to read.   Because I trust the One behind it, and ultimately, I know that all of this is just the first sentence of eternity.    When we have given our lives to Christ, there are no ultimate tragedies, it’s just that sometimes we have to wait till the other side to see the final chapters.